Everything is happening at once.
So much so that I have been fairly paralyzed by it. So much has happened, I have learned so much about myself, and I am so overloaded with inspiration and brilliant ideas, that I keep trying to blog and then I get overwhelmed and distracted and don't know where to start, so I sit around watching YouTube and being bored.
Bored because of too much excitement?
The bursts of excitement are making me both exhausted and invigorated, to the point where normal life seems devastatingly boring and I just can't handle where I'm at anymore. It's the weirdest season of life right now, I can't quite explain the restlessness I'm feeling. It almost feels like these few big things are just God's way of priming me for more. Like the boredom in between the big things is making me so restless that I'd be willing to do just about anything, no matter how crazy. Like there's more than I can imagine right around the corner, and it's coming but I can't see it. And it's driving me bonkers because I don't know what to do.
So I just gotta work on what's directly in front of me until I can see around that corner, I guess. So I am essentially forcing myself to write this blog post at gunpoint - more or less. ;)
Just write about ONE of the recent big things, Inna. Just one. Come on. You can do it. Get 'er done! Be productive!
Okay, okay already!
Big and massive and mind-boggling and inspiring and magical life-changing thing number one:
I'm an auntie now!!
Aka, my brother? He's a dad. O_O
Just look at him and his wife! They're parents. What even.
Babies. I tell you what. They are some of the most common and the most mind-blowing things out there. There's nothing quite like holding a newborn to make you wonder weird and beautiful things.
Like all those years that I have known my brother and his wife, with no little Jory. I know years worth of his parents that he will never know. And there was a time when I was that tiny new oblivious sleepy life, and there were aunts and uncles and grandparents who knew my parents before I was born, before they were a couple even! And like, who were they before me? They had entire lives.
So there I am, just holding little Jory. He's so so so tiny. So light. And warm. He's like hugging a heating pad. And those tiny breaths. Quick and shallow, so thin - from those baby lungs - each one brand new, saying I'm alive. And this whole thing just seems so normal, so easy to accept. There wasn't a baby before, and now there is. Simple.
Simple not simple.
So simple as to be supernatural, so miraculous as to be normal - commonplace even.
What will his favorite color be? Favorite animal, favorite book? Will he twirl his hair like his daddy? Who will he be, and what will he do, and what will he grow up to see of this world that I will be too old at the time to understand? This kid who we don't even really know but love automatically? This kid who we lived without just fine thank you, but who will now - thankfully overwhelmingly wonderfully - be a part of our lives and our stories ... forever??
So basically an entire new person exists and I'm an auntie and it's good and it's also just flat out weird - that's all it is, really - and everything about life right now is so normal and so magical that I think I'm gonna have a panic attack or die from boredom or excitement ... not sure.
That's a thing.